One Day on a Beach, etc.

One day in Antarctica:

Clockmender: Wotcha Penguin!

Penguin: Wotcha Clock!

Clockmender: So, where is the blue-eyed shag colony then?

Penguin: Take this track to my left, follow it for about 400m, then turn right, follow that one for 120m, you can’t miss it… loads of squawking birds… stinks to high heaven of shit!

Clockmender: Cheers, little dude!

Meanwhile later in the day:

Penguin on right: Clock told me that if you raise one leg like this, you can fart much louder.

Penguin 3rd from right: You stinky-arsed git! Don’t encourage him Clock, he’s bad enough already.

Penguin 4th from right: Oh yeah, sow a button on that fekker! Must try that myself…

Just spreading some culture you understand, 🙂


Well, this conversation took place on a beach in South Africa near the “Cape Of No Hope”:

Clockmender: Oi Penguin – look at the camera!

Penguin: How’s this Clock?

Clockmender: Sweet, now show your best profile…

Penguin: For f**k’s sake Clock how should I know that? we don’t have chuffin’  mirrors in our burrows you know!!!

Clockmender: Look at your reflection in a rock pool you daft little tw*t!

Penguin: Hmmmm, never thought of that – how’s this then? I think this is my best side:

Clockmender: That’ll do Penguin, that’ll do.

Cute little bugger, but the beach stank to high heaven – don’t eat just raw fish, your sh*t will stink awful…..

Taken with a Canon EOS70D with 150-500mm Sigma Lens, or was it modelled in Blender?


This photograph won the Photographer’s Photograph Award on the Queen Mary 2 on her World tour starting 10 January 2018:

Taken with the same flashy camera and lens from deck 7. F 7.1 1/2,500 sec exposure.

I had to take 70 odd photos over a two hour period to get this one. Taken about halfway between Africa and St Helena – loads of bloody nautical miles from anywhere! I must find out how big these fish are, from 7 decks up they looked pretty small, but you never can tell. After all Pekinese dogs look very small from the 7th floor of a building and are very hard to hit with a cricket ball from that height. 🙂


NOT FINISHED YET, or is it? 😛